Recently, someone commented right here on my blog. She wanted to know how my son is doing right now. I've heard the question before. The parent may change. The situation may change slightly. But I think I know exactly why a parent would ask this. Why? Because I've been there. And I know that the question is loaded; the real question is,
"Is there hope for my child? Well, to understand where my son is today, at age 18, you have to get a picture of him as a young boy.
William is my third child, so I had two children to compare him to. He was never like his siblings at all. He climbed out of his crib before he could even stand. He ran before he walked, and his sense of independence was fierce. In short, he was a very difficult child. He had no filter when it came to what he thought about doing and what he did. Our family quit going out in public. We quit going to restaurants where he'd bang silverware and talk loudly. My husband and I took turns guarding him (aka staying home with him), rather than go to something as simple as the grocery store with him.
When we had company over, we were mortified at his behavior. We got used to things being broken by him, his constant running and jumping and generally moving about as if he was one of the Energizer Bunnies. One thing I want to add here is that my William was never mean. People often equate being angry or mean with ADHD. I don't believe that. William didn't mean to get into trouble, and in fact was often baffled when he was reprimanded. His lack of impulse control might have caused him to impulsively do something - but it was never with the intention of hurting someone.
Knowing that this was her last grandchild, my wonderfully loving and compassionate mother said she felt she'd been robbed of her last grandchild. She acknowledged that she felt like William wouldn't be able to overcome this - that he could never succeed in life - unless some miracle happened. It hurt to hear that, but I had to accept that I too had had those thoughts.
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| Channel ADHD energy into sports. |
Fast forward to today and you'll see a very different young man. He still has ADHD. But he doesn't bounce off walls, doesn't run and jump 24-7, and many of the other traits of ADHD are now hidden. He plays sports - namely football. In sports, he can channel his energy into something physical that he loves, and this in turn has helped him to develop impulse control. After a short time on meds when he was learning to read, he hasn't been on meds again until this year. It was his decision to go on them, and he's amazed at how "normal" (his words) he feels. He went from a low "C" GPA to almost a "B" GPA. He has applied to colleges and hopes to walk-on as a punter for the football team. He wants to be a teacher and high school level coach. He has a good group of friends who do things like play ultimate frisbee after school. He works out at the gym, doing High Intensity Training (HIT) nearly every day. He still isn't crazy about sitting down to watch T.V. or anything like that, but has found that video games are an awful lot of fun. About half of his teachers don't even recognize that he has ADHD, but that depends on the teacher and subject.
So, how did we get to this point? I think it was a combination of several things, and I plan to share those in the coming months. But the short version is this; we worked with William and his teachers/coaches constantly. We taught him the skills he needed to know and reinforced them regularly. We put him in activities that encouraged him to use his ADHD skills in an appropriate manner. We used medication sparingly and only when we saw a purpose for it - we also realized that without the medication, our very bright child may only be able to pull B's and C's. It was a trade-off. We enlisted the help of our close family and friends. And as he has gotten older, we've worked to transition him to advocating his needs on his own And the list goes on.
Bottom line is this; in answer to the question that started this post, yes - there is hope. What you see when your child is 6 or 8 or 10 is not what will define their future. In fact, I think that children with AD/HD have more potential to change than typically developing children. Many of the traits that drive us crazy when they're young, are traits that are positive and powerful as teens and adults. That child who wouldn't give up on a locked door until he figured it out, is now persistent in his studies. He doesn't take no for an answer.
Yes, there is hope. There is always hope! As parents, sometimes we're just trying to make it through the next day, the next hour, or minute. But try to always keep the future in mind. Your goal is to raise a well-adjusted and successful child. If you can make that your focus, your child will follow suit.
My Best, Karen
